Dragging On.

I'm sure this is typical of any military wife in the home-stretch of a deployment, but O-M-G, could time be moving any slower!? I'm having to look at the number of days, not the months/weeks. Even though my husband will be home before (so this is technically not a violation of OPSEC), there are FORTY EIGHT days until I see his handsome face for the first time since early September! It's just dragging out for both of us. His days there are relatively quiet now, which, while a good thing as far as getting rest goes, definitely makes the days go by slower too. You would think with teaching full time, my days would be flying, but I think I feel like they're flying, then I look at my calendar and it's been shorter than I thought, then that's just discouraging. David has decided not to look at the date on his phone anymore to help the days go by faster. I just wish I could do that, too!

I sent our car off to Hawaii this past Friday. The process was almost easy. Besides not getting very good directions on what paperwork to bring, we ran into a few roadblocks. I knew I had to have 1/4 tank of gas or less, so I only brought it up to 1/2 tank before we left for an hour and 45 min. trip to Portsmouth. My 80 minute commute to and from work each day uses about a 1/4 tank, so I figured I would be fine. I didn't consider that I'd be driving highway miles east (downhill) towards sea level. So, I got to Portsmouth and had to go to an auto shop to have my gas siphoned from my vehicle to my aunt's. That took 45 minutes. Then, I got to the POV shipment place and began my paperwork (the wait wasn't long at 10am). I'm half-way through when the woman goes to look for my registration in the stack of paperwork I brought her when she says, "I don't see your registration." And I'm like "Well, I know I brought it. It was attached to the insurance card copies (which I didn't need), which are right here. So it must have fallen out if it's not here." She double checks by flipping through all my paperwork to not find it again. So, then I'm driving 20 minutes to go to the nearest DMV when I decide to check my paperwork stack behind her. The lady stapled my registration to the back of our orders, so of course she passed over them! So then, we turned around and drove BACK to the POV shipment place, and I completed the process, including an inspection where I found out ON THE WAY THERE (because it wasn't there before), a rock hit my front bumper and chipped the paint! Thankfully, it's small--a little smaller than a dime. Then we went to Applebee's in Suffolk on the way home and had the worst service ever, but that's another story for another time.

As far as the deployment goes, my husband is featured in a 25 minute long documentary on Al Jazeera. It can be found here: The Winter War. It's a really intriguing video. It shows the 18-day mission my husband went on during Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving Day, it shows the OP taking incoming and then returning the favor--but I'd like to think a little more successfully! Here's a screen shot of him (front-right) in the video:

So handsome <3

This video is by the same filmmaker that made the 25 minute video, but this is of Checkpoint 2.5, where my husband has spent about half of his deployment in 3-4 day trips every week.

So that's about it. Other interesting tidbits: I have my first scrimmage in just six days. I'm nervous! Student-teaching is going great. My workout life is pretty excellent. I haven't lost any weight, but I'm looking much better. I really don't care about the number though. I can tell a huge difference in my muscle tone. I "deleted" Facebook in that I came to a compromise with my Mom and Aunt and kept Facebook, but deleted everyone who was not a blood relative. Their argument is that they want to see pictures and stuff from Hawaii, and that Facebook is easier than pulling up my blog. So now, my Facebook exists for the sole purpose of filling in my family on life in Hawaii. I really just wanted to delete it, but this way, everyone is happy--at least as close to it as possible. I'll be happy when we move back home and I delete the whole dang thing.

But anywho, off to watching Cupcake Wars and writing my reflection for last week's student-teaching!

Circumlocution

I will mainly be venting, so prepare yourself for not so nice words. I never liked to listen to my Mom when she said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." So what do I have to vent about? I am so sick and tired of people using circumlocution, or in other words, using every other word and phrase to disguise what they really want to say. It's most often used in the context of persuasive speech, mainly by politicians, a.k.a liars. JUST SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. SAY HOW YOU FEEL. AND SAY IT TO MY FACE. In my dream world, for just one day, everyone would say exactly how they feel to everyone about everything. Every one would hate each other for two days, talk it out, fight it out, whatever, and get over it. That, my friends, is how world piece is achieved. Growing up, I was a jock and hung out with the cool kids, but I also got picked on for being nerdy. I got picked on because I wasn't afraid to be nerdy and a jock at the same time. I got picked on because even if I was friends with the cool kids, I wasn't going to pretend to like what they liked or do what they do just to seem one way or the other. And now, as an adult, I feel even stronger about that. I really don't give a crap who you are. If I have a problem with you, or if I feel a certain way about something, I refuse to say anything other than that. I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel, and nothing more or less. Just the same, I expect you to be the same way with me. I don't care if you're going to piss me off. I just want you to be real. So yeah, that's what I have to say, and now that I've vented, I can take a deep breath and keep on trekking forward.

On another note, my husband was supposed to be back on the FOB two days ago, and I haven't heard from him. From the sounds of it, I think it has started snowing on the FOB, which means any schedules between now and when it stops snowing will inevitably be delayed. This is why I'm venting to my blog, and not him. Sorry :)

Oh, and I'm on steroids for my bronchitis. Every time I take them, I get the "roid rage" which makes me a combination of irritable and anal about cleanliness and organization. So, sorry again.

Looking Frazzled

Well, these last few days have been more than rough, to where it's starting to show on the outside. I walked into my 4:00 class and the first thing out of  my professor's mouth was "Colleen, you are looking quite frazzled today." (Or something like that). I just said "Oh, I am." and told her about everything going on in my life right now. She's my adviser and I've had a few classes with her, so she's had insight into my life and how it's changed in the last few years. In other words, she's aware that I'm just about to lose it every day, so I always feel comfortable telling her about all the crazy things going on. Well, I'm just not a secretive, introverted person to begin with; I'm likely to tell anyone anything.

I went to the doctor and got medication and an exercise to do, and four days later, I hardly feel any difference. Of course, I haven't been taking the Flexeril (muscle relaxer) because it knocks me out for literally, like, 16 hours. Last night, the pain was bad enough that I emailed my 11:00am professor my mid-term paper that was due today and told him I was going to have to take the pain medication and be knocked out tomorrow morning. Thankfully he was understanding. Sure enough, I took the medication around 1:30am (I was up late writing a paper) and it wore off at around 1pm today. That's only half a pill. I'd be in trouble if I took a whole one. Anyway, because I'm not feeling any improvement, and at times it hurts worse than ever, I'm skeptical about the "muscle spasm" overuse diagnosis. I'm leaning more towards herniated disk in my cervical spine.

I start teaching again on Tuesday--oh, wait--tomorrow is Tuesday! Aaah! I'm always so nervous when I get a new classroom. You never know what your kids will be like or how they'll take to you. I always try to dress really flashy and cute on my first day so the kids will relate to my youth and think I'm "cool." As fake as that might be, it works with kids who are so focused on fashion and appearance. Then, once they get to know me and I get to know them, I can be more laid back and real with them. I'm doing a unit on Veteran's Day using Tim O'Brien's "The Things They Carried". I'm having  my students learn about historical fiction through the reading of the first chapter of that novel, and then they'll be writing their own narrative piece about something that they "carry" in a letter form. I'm going to send these letters to David's unit. I practiced this unit on my classmates, and in turned into a very emotional classroom experience. One girl in my class said that she carried the burden of her father's failed business and their economic hardships and she broke down in tears when she shared with the class. While those situations are awkward and a little uncomfortable, I embrace them. I think too often students are treated like robots who aren't real people. When you tap into the sense of community and relationships in the classroom, the entire year goes much better. All my future students better be prepared to do a lot of soul-searching amidst the English learning.

The big stress lately is in the family. A close family member of ours has landed himself in jail due to a horrible decision. He was arrested on the 26th, and he's been in jail for the past few days, but my husband has decided to bail him out, so he'll be out tomorrow until his sentencing in a month or two. We think he'll be sentenced to around two years. The entire family--me, my husband, my father-in-law's siblings--we've all been so torn. We're angry, sad, confused. It has been really hard for me to understand how he could do something like this when David is fighting a war for him. I'm so angry with him over that. He knew how much of a burden his actions would be on David. But then I know he's sick and he doesn't even realize what he's doing to himself and his family. And that makes me sad. And my heart is breaking for my husband, who is so hurt by all of it. And then I get angry again when I think that David was even put in the position to have to deal with this when he's deployed and should be focused on his job. I really felt--well feel--that he should have stayed in jail, because I don't think he's well enough to be exposed to a world plagued with alcohol and drugs right now. David was set on not bailing him out, and then all of a sudden changed his mind. I think David feels some sort of responsibility--like he has to save him. I feel that if David  being deployed and risking his life for him isn't enough to keep him away from slowly killing himself--and possibly others, then him bailing him out isn't going to be either. But my husband made his decision, and I'm going to support whatever he decides to do. I just hope I won't have to say "I told you so." I really care about this family member and love him like my own blood, and I just want him to get better. My husband is amazing, and he deserves the best family that God can provide. I want him to one day be able to have this person back in his life, sober, because that's what he deserves. This has really taken an emotional toll on me the last few days, and now that he has decided to bail him out, I'm even more stressed because I'm worried what will happen when this person is back in the real world, where he can just further destruct himself and others. A month or two months is a long time for someone to stay sober when they just got arrested for it a few days ago. I've realized that all I can do is pray for the best, and pray for understanding. David is handling it okay, but I know he's stressed and upset about it, too, especially today when he had to make the decision on whether or not to bail him out, when the rest of us think he should stay. I know he's going through so much, and I'm just praying for God to give me the right words to say to try and make things better and easier on him. So yeah, that's that.

19 A man of great anger will bear the penalty, FOR IF YOU RESCUE HIM, YOU WILL ONLY HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN. (Proverbs 19)

Also this week, we get our big paycheck for backpay. Tomorrow, actually. We're very excited that it's finally going to be in our account. This also means it's car-buying time. On Thursday I'm going to our credit union to get preapproved, and then this weekend I'll be car shopping. I have a Ford Edge, Nissan Xterras, and a few Jeep Commanders to look at. So that's exciting, but as much stressful as exciting. I just hope the financing and insurance processes go smoothly. My step-dad is going to help me through all of it seeing as David can't be here.

So yeah, there's an update on my current state in life. Things are pretty hectic, and my eyes have stayed puffy and red with tears. But I always remember that just the fact that my husband alive is enough to feel like I have the greatest life ever. Through the ups and downs, I love my life, I love my family, and I love the heck out of my husband.