This weekend has been a tough one for me, and well, for us. I always thought that sending him back from R&R would be easier because we've done it before when he first deployed. Boy, was I wrong. Sending him back this time has been 100 times harder than the first time. I got used to having him safe in my arms again--I had forgotten what that felt like for the first half. It was a big 'ole tease of what it's going to be like when he's home for good. So I miss him even more than I ever did. Now that he's back and leaving the wire all the time, I feel as worried and miserable as when he first got there in April. This happened when he first left. For the first month and half, it just sucked. I was an emotional wreck, so stressed, and doing everything I could not to appear that way on the outside. I am there, once again. I am taking 19 credits (that's 6 classes--3 of which are 3-hour night classes), teaching from 8am to 3pm every Tuesday and Thursday on top of being a student, trying to get our command sponsorship paperwork done, trying to fix our pay that they've messed up for the last 7 months, trying to find a car for us, trying to switch to Verizon already. It is all so overwhelming to do alone. I always feel like everyone's staring at me thinking to themselves, "Poor girl. She looks like she's about to fall apart." Or "Good God, she looks like she hasn't slept in a week." I guess that's just how I feel on the inside, so I feel like it shows on the outside. Hopefully it doesn't. I know I'll get used to it again like last time. I just wish I would hurry up and get it together. I guess he just left two weeks ago, and I'm still trying to get into a routine with both teaching and classes this semester. I should probably give myself more credit, but when I break composure and start crying on the phone--the last thing he needs--I feel like a horrible Army wife. That's the worst thing you can do when you're husband's deployed. I know I have to be strong for him so that he can be strong, and I'm really going to try to get myself into a "pattern" as Amy Lowell's calls it (see my previous "Leaving on a less intense note..." post). If I can get back into the deployment routine and get used to him being outside the wire all the time again, things will turn around.
So this week, I'm going to work on that routine and try to get the phone and CS issues taken care of. Hopefully that will take a little weight off. He leaves again in a few days, and next time when he gets back, I want to have it together. Going to do a lot of praying, school work, and catching up on sleep. Or at least trying to catch up on sleep. Not easy when my apartment complex is going to be infested with stupidly drunk college kids. I remember those days...I'm 21 and feel like I'm 40. I can't wait until he gets home and we can "never grow up" again.
The good news today: the "word" is on the FOB they're coming home a month earlier now, so that's 30-ish days I get so shave off of our countdown, which is always a blessing. David also got his new Nike SFB boots today that I sent him last week. He says they are amazing and even lighter than his Nike running shoes. We recommend them!
Also, David got his CAB today.
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| Congrats babe :) |
