The Whirlwind I Call Life.

It's been quite a while since I've had time to blog, and I still technically don't have time. I just figured I'd take a break from life for a second. So this is where I'm at on this twenty-sixth day of January.

I'm now almost done with my second week of student teaching, and I'm really enjoying it. I was heavily considering switching from English to guidance counseling, but that was before I experienced middle school. The kids that everyone thinks are the worst are the best! I adore middle school, and I think I'll stick around in the English world a little bit longer. I have 6th and 8th grade gifted students, and I really enjoy creating lessons for them because I can dig into those deeper concepts and higher-level thinking skills. I'm going to look into getting my gifted certification, too. It's only 12-15 credit hours (4 classes and usually a practicum experience). I have a great cooperating teacher which helps, too. She's very organized and innovative. The planning is a lot of work because of the particular county I'm teaching in. I have gifted curriculum, IB curriculum, AYP school improvement plan curriculum, and technology strand curriculum, all to fit into each unit.

In my three eighth grade classes, we are reading Linda Sue Park's A Long Walk to Water. It's the true story of Salva Dut, one of the Lost Boys of Sudan, and Nya, a girl that lives in Southern Sudan now.

They will be then using Photo Story 3 to write persuasive photo essays that bring awareness to the various issues in the novel.

For sixth grade, we're doing an "alphabiography", where they'll be picking something about them that starts with every letter of the alphabet, and they'll have to write a poem (in a specified form) for each letter. I'm also going to do a mini-lesson on phonetics and we're going to learn how to write the Chinese alphabet. They'll use their new calligraphy skills to create the alphabet dividers for their poetry alphabiographies.

So yeah, that's school right now.

My neck issues are back, so I went back to the doctor--a different doctor. I found out the real reason for my pain. I have an extra rib, formally known as a "cervical rib." So I'll be doing a lot of physical therapy, and if that doesn't work, the only other option is surgery to remove the rib.

The best news in my life right now is that we are SO stinkin' close to the end of this deployment. I ship our HHG on February 3rd and our car on February 10th, and then it's just the waiting game! My plane ticket is ordered for a two-week visit right around when he gets home. Then I have to come back home and finish student teaching for two weeks, then I'll be flying out ONE WAY! I've waited for that for so long!

So that's the update. The days are flying by so fast that I feel like I'm in the middle of a hurricane. But it's a good hurricane if there is such a thing, because it's all moving towards the life that my husband and I have waited so long for!

Looking Frazzled

Well, these last few days have been more than rough, to where it's starting to show on the outside. I walked into my 4:00 class and the first thing out of  my professor's mouth was "Colleen, you are looking quite frazzled today." (Or something like that). I just said "Oh, I am." and told her about everything going on in my life right now. She's my adviser and I've had a few classes with her, so she's had insight into my life and how it's changed in the last few years. In other words, she's aware that I'm just about to lose it every day, so I always feel comfortable telling her about all the crazy things going on. Well, I'm just not a secretive, introverted person to begin with; I'm likely to tell anyone anything.

I went to the doctor and got medication and an exercise to do, and four days later, I hardly feel any difference. Of course, I haven't been taking the Flexeril (muscle relaxer) because it knocks me out for literally, like, 16 hours. Last night, the pain was bad enough that I emailed my 11:00am professor my mid-term paper that was due today and told him I was going to have to take the pain medication and be knocked out tomorrow morning. Thankfully he was understanding. Sure enough, I took the medication around 1:30am (I was up late writing a paper) and it wore off at around 1pm today. That's only half a pill. I'd be in trouble if I took a whole one. Anyway, because I'm not feeling any improvement, and at times it hurts worse than ever, I'm skeptical about the "muscle spasm" overuse diagnosis. I'm leaning more towards herniated disk in my cervical spine.

I start teaching again on Tuesday--oh, wait--tomorrow is Tuesday! Aaah! I'm always so nervous when I get a new classroom. You never know what your kids will be like or how they'll take to you. I always try to dress really flashy and cute on my first day so the kids will relate to my youth and think I'm "cool." As fake as that might be, it works with kids who are so focused on fashion and appearance. Then, once they get to know me and I get to know them, I can be more laid back and real with them. I'm doing a unit on Veteran's Day using Tim O'Brien's "The Things They Carried". I'm having  my students learn about historical fiction through the reading of the first chapter of that novel, and then they'll be writing their own narrative piece about something that they "carry" in a letter form. I'm going to send these letters to David's unit. I practiced this unit on my classmates, and in turned into a very emotional classroom experience. One girl in my class said that she carried the burden of her father's failed business and their economic hardships and she broke down in tears when she shared with the class. While those situations are awkward and a little uncomfortable, I embrace them. I think too often students are treated like robots who aren't real people. When you tap into the sense of community and relationships in the classroom, the entire year goes much better. All my future students better be prepared to do a lot of soul-searching amidst the English learning.

The big stress lately is in the family. A close family member of ours has landed himself in jail due to a horrible decision. He was arrested on the 26th, and he's been in jail for the past few days, but my husband has decided to bail him out, so he'll be out tomorrow until his sentencing in a month or two. We think he'll be sentenced to around two years. The entire family--me, my husband, my father-in-law's siblings--we've all been so torn. We're angry, sad, confused. It has been really hard for me to understand how he could do something like this when David is fighting a war for him. I'm so angry with him over that. He knew how much of a burden his actions would be on David. But then I know he's sick and he doesn't even realize what he's doing to himself and his family. And that makes me sad. And my heart is breaking for my husband, who is so hurt by all of it. And then I get angry again when I think that David was even put in the position to have to deal with this when he's deployed and should be focused on his job. I really felt--well feel--that he should have stayed in jail, because I don't think he's well enough to be exposed to a world plagued with alcohol and drugs right now. David was set on not bailing him out, and then all of a sudden changed his mind. I think David feels some sort of responsibility--like he has to save him. I feel that if David  being deployed and risking his life for him isn't enough to keep him away from slowly killing himself--and possibly others, then him bailing him out isn't going to be either. But my husband made his decision, and I'm going to support whatever he decides to do. I just hope I won't have to say "I told you so." I really care about this family member and love him like my own blood, and I just want him to get better. My husband is amazing, and he deserves the best family that God can provide. I want him to one day be able to have this person back in his life, sober, because that's what he deserves. This has really taken an emotional toll on me the last few days, and now that he has decided to bail him out, I'm even more stressed because I'm worried what will happen when this person is back in the real world, where he can just further destruct himself and others. A month or two months is a long time for someone to stay sober when they just got arrested for it a few days ago. I've realized that all I can do is pray for the best, and pray for understanding. David is handling it okay, but I know he's stressed and upset about it, too, especially today when he had to make the decision on whether or not to bail him out, when the rest of us think he should stay. I know he's going through so much, and I'm just praying for God to give me the right words to say to try and make things better and easier on him. So yeah, that's that.

19 A man of great anger will bear the penalty, FOR IF YOU RESCUE HIM, YOU WILL ONLY HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN. (Proverbs 19)

Also this week, we get our big paycheck for backpay. Tomorrow, actually. We're very excited that it's finally going to be in our account. This also means it's car-buying time. On Thursday I'm going to our credit union to get preapproved, and then this weekend I'll be car shopping. I have a Ford Edge, Nissan Xterras, and a few Jeep Commanders to look at. So that's exciting, but as much stressful as exciting. I just hope the financing and insurance processes go smoothly. My step-dad is going to help me through all of it seeing as David can't be here.

So yeah, there's an update on my current state in life. Things are pretty hectic, and my eyes have stayed puffy and red with tears. But I always remember that just the fact that my husband alive is enough to feel like I have the greatest life ever. Through the ups and downs, I love my life, I love my family, and I love the heck out of my husband.

A Pain the Neck.

So I went to the clinic yesterday for my neck. My doctor says that they are muscle spasms, and that they are a result of the two different sides of my upper back pulling against one another. They do this when my body is unbalanced, or in other words, the muscles on the right side of my body are being strained more than the right, or the muscles in the upper half of my body are being strained more than the lower half. She said this happens because I live at a computer, am short, have a large chest, am stressed, and because I sleep on my stomach. Well, there's no solving the computer issue. I'm a student and that's what I have to do. There's no solving the fact that I'm vertically challenged and have a chest that's too large for my small frame. And until my husband gets home and I graduate, I can guarantee the stress will be there. I tried to sleep on my side last night--I think I woke up on my stomach. She gave me Flexeril (a muscle relaxer) to take at night, and Naproxen to take once in the morning and once at night. I took half of a Flexeril pill and I was knocked out in 5 minutes. I was still out of it until about 2pm today--not a fan of that feeling. The Naproxen makes my stomach feel pretty gross all day. I've been taking both medicines for an entire day, and I'm not sure if I feel any better. She gave me this exercise to do with a pool noodle. Any idea where I'm going to find a pool noodle when it's almost winter? Yeah, me neither. She got x-rays, but I haven't heard anything on those, so I'm guessing everything looks normal spine-wise, which is good. I'm skeptical about the muscle thing. I've been an athlete for my entire life. I know what a pulled/strained muscle feels like--this is something a little more than that. I injured the muscle that she said was being strained (supraspinatus) a few years ago, but it was on the opposite side from the one that hurts now, so I know what that feels like. I'm always mistrusting of Army Clinic doctors. They rush you in and out and find a quick explanation that may not actually be an explanation, just to preserve time. So we'll see where this goes. Let's just hope these medicines will start working.

Honey, I'm home!

I'm in my 3 hour night class (now an hour and fifteen minutes in) and it's break time. Literally 5 minutes before class started at 6, his ringer went off on my phone. I could barely contain myself! I missed the first 10 minutes of class because talking to him finally was so much better. I was holding back tears and sniffles I was so happy. And to hear how much he missed me, too, made these last 13 days just disappear. I could hear the excitement in his voice, which felt great. He even let me know that he "ran there" as soon as he could, even before he played with his new phone (He finally got my package). I thanked him for loving me more than the phone ;) All I can say is, the gift of a phone call, of the sound of someone's voice, is a gift from God. I feel so much better now.

I just got home after an hour and a half drive down a single long, dark highway. Thankfully there were no deer frolicking in the road this time.  I'm writing the rest of this a few hours later. I'm exhausted but I can never sleep at night. I have a pinched nerve in my neck which doesn't help. I can thank stress for that one. They also happen to people who sit at computers and/or read a lot, which is the story of my life. Looks like I better get used to it. It's weird because the back of my neck is actually numb to the touch. It freaked me out at first, but it's a common symptom.

I hadn't seen my puppies in two weeks, so they were soo excited when I walked in the front door. I love that feeling! When we have kids in the next few years, I can't wait for those huge smiles they have when you get them from their nap time.  They're so happy to see you. Everyone always asks us why we haven't had kids yet. If it wasn't for our unique situation, we probably would have started. However, we never got that fun, carefree time together that most couples get during their dating and engagement. We've spent, let's see, 3 months actually physically together out of the year and five months we've been together. So needless to say, we want our 15 months in Hawaii to be spent just us two, finally getting that time to be adventurous and live on a whim. Once we get back to VA and find jobs, then mission mini-Hirn will commence. So hopefully that clears the air on that subject.

It's after 11:30, which is well past my bedtime, so I'm going to try and clear my head of all the homework, finance, house-shopping, car-shopping stuff that constantly runs through it...Right...

And just an added bonus. He called me around 5:30 this morning. He had been on Facebook beforehand and wrote me a nice, long message about the last 13 days. Apparently two men died; the second one was a flight medic who I'm guessing wasn't in his unit. At the end of his message, he wrote:
"But as you know I'm safe and back so I can tell you how much I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't even begin to say how much I missed you over the last week but I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from. :) Well you're probably sleeping but as soon as I get off here I will call you. I love you so much. -your husband ♥"
Who couldn't love him?  :)