Too many days.

David has been outside the wire for so many days that I've lost track. (I just checked my recent calls, and he's been gone for 10 days.) And it'll be at least a few more until he'll be coming back. This is officially the longest he's been out, and I think I just reached the breaking point this afternoon. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like I can barely remember what his voice sounds like it's been so long. I am doing the bad Army Wife thing and looking through pictures and being attracted to all the sad songs in my iTunes--and crying like a baby, of course. I just don't know what to do with myself without him after this long. Three or four, I can manage, but after 10 days, he feels gone. I hate this feeling--when your mind starts playing tricks on you, and you have to fight it by telling yourself over and over he's alive, he's okay, and that it's driving him crazy, too. Because they lost someone since we last talked, I'm also trying to prepare myself for how it will be handled--what not to say, what to say if it does come up, what to do if he doesn't take it well. I have a 1500-word paper to write tonight on Modernism and W.E.B. DuBois' Of Souls of Black Folk, I have to finish reading Henry IV Part I, write a 3-page paper on it, and read for my Teaching of English class. I'm trying so hard to focus, but I've been sitting here since 3:00PM and I've written 214 words of the essay, and that's all. I just keep playing scenes over and over in my head. When we first laid eyes on each other in the airport last month for R&R. When he told me I was beautiful when I got the altar at our wedding. When he randomly shouted "I love you!" to me in the middle of a very quiet, intense part in the movie theatre. Sitting outside his gate wiping each other's tears when I had to send him back after R&R. Screaming the words to "She Likes Me for Me" driving down Route 10. I just miss him.